An Incomplete Guide to Spaceballs Ships

Spaceball One: The Titanic of the Galaxy (Literally)

• Length: Approximately 100 times longer than your average star destroyer—or as we like to call it, the longest spaceship in the galaxy made by the biggest over-compensator in the galaxy.

• Notable Features:

  • Transforms into Mega Maid—the only ship-powered vacuum in sci-fi history.

  • Onboard circuses may be canceled with little to no notice.

  • Rumored to burn more fuel in five minutes than the entire Death Star used in a month.

• “”Spaceball One is a staggering feat of engineering excess. Sure, it’s unnecessarily massive, but that’s what makes it a marvel—every rivet, panel, and turbo thruster is a testament to the ambition of the Spaceballs’ engineers.”
  — Nova Vega, Cosmic Wrench, June 1987

Spaceball One isn’t just a ship—it’s a statement. A towering monument to President Skroob’s ego, it’s so big that rumors suggest it causes gravitational distortions in nearby systems. Engineers estimate it takes 117 minutes just to walk from the bridge to the break room (mainly because they put them too far apart), and the ship’s vacuum conversion into Mega Maid has been called the “most impractical yet gloriously absurd design in space architecture.” And let’s not forget: Spaceball One is the only vessel in the known universe that requires its own ludicrous-speed-licensing department. If you see this ship in your sector, just surrender and hope they don’t suck up your planet’s atmosphere.

Eagle 5 (Lone Starr’s Winnebago): The Intergalactic RV of Freedom

• Engine: Powered by plot convenience and questionable fuel sources.

• Features:

  • Flies like a brick with wings but somehow outmaneuvers TIE fighters.

  • Contains a full kitchenette and shag carpet interior.

  • Shield strength equivalent to a wet paper bag, but hey, it’s got style.

• “The Eagle 5 is a testament to duct tape engineering and blind optimism—proof that if it’s got wheels and a hyperdrive, it’s good enough for the stars.”
  — Jax Quasar, Cosmic Wrench, October 1987

• Controversial Claim: The Eagle 5 is the most relatable ship in sci-fi—who wouldn’t want to cruise the stars in a souped-up RV?

Forget sleek, high-tech cruisers—Eagle 5 is the intergalactic equivalent of an old Winnebago with fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror. It may not have shields worth a darn, but what it lacks in firepower, it makes up for in pure charm and DIY spirit. Rumor has it Lone Starr can hotwire the engines with a paperclip and some leftover Pizza the Hutt crust. The shag carpeting doubles as a static shield (in theory), and the fridge is stocked with enough Spaceballs Cola to fuel a trip to Druidia and back. Is it the most sophisticated ship? Nope. But it’s the kind of ship you’d take on a weekend getaway to the Andromeda system.

Princess Vespa’s Cruiser: The Regal Runaway Ride

Princess Vespa’s Cruiser is less of a starship and more of a flying bridal boutique—sleek, pristine, and probably scented with overpriced perfume. The cruiser is powered by a sparkle-core reactor, which converts pure entitlement into thrust energy. Designed to embody royal opulence, it’s a vessel that looks like it should come with a “Do Not Touch” sign. Despite being a top-of-the-line model, it’s hilariously under-defended—no shields, no heavy artillery, just a stubborn princess, a robot with an attitude, and a stunning paint job. Rumor has it the ship’s navigation system only plays classical wedding marches unless hacked. It’s a testament to form over function, but when you’re a princess on the run, sometimes you just need a ride that slaps.

• “The Vespa Cruiser is like a prom dress: beautiful, fragile, and guaranteed to attract drama. A must-have for space royalty—or anyone running from a wedding.”
  — Nova Vega, Cosmic Wrench, May 1988